Living with a heart
by Whatthewoot
Summary: The surviving Espada chooses between living in soul society or the human world as humans. Ulquiorra, Grimmjow and Nelliel became humans. Ulquiorra struggles with his choice and Ichigo with his relationship with Grimmjow. exUlquihime and Grimmichi. Dubcon.


I was going to update Shades of gray as well, but I drank too much champagne so that has to wait until tomorrow, probably :3

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Chapter one

"_As of now the war is finally over", Yamamoto's voice bellowed out over the grounds. The shinigami cheered and the music started playing. It turned into an enormous party and Yamamoto could see the youngsters drinking and singing. With a sigh he turned and walked back into the main hall of the first division. Some of the captains were eager to attend the celebrations and he didn't want to keep them._

"_I called on this meeting to discuss our future actions concerning the remaining Espada and their fraccións. The Espada has agreed to either stay here in soul society or go to the human world as humans."_

_The captains present nodded and Yamamoto continued._

"_Stark Coyote, Tier Harribel, Nnoitra Gilga, Zommari Rureaux and their remaining fraccións will be remaining in soul society. They will enter a division of their choosing and the captain in charge will hold the responsibility. As for Ulquiorra Cifer, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez and Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck_, _they will use a gigai of Uruhara's and become human. They will at first be under the protection of the former captains Kisuke Urahara and Isshin Kurosaki._

It had gone six years since the fall of Aizen and the end of the winter war. Ulquiorra walked down a familiar street. He had decided to become human because he wanted to experience what the woman, Orihime, always had spoken about. But now he wasn't sure he made the right decision. His comrades, if he could call them that, they had taken the human life by storm. Nelliel had after completing high school and achieved a university degree decided to see the world and left last year. The trash, Grimmjow, he had started an on and off again relationship with Ichigo Kurosaki. It was he who had mentored them because the real guardians were idiots. He had lost his shinigami powers after the war and had taken them in as something to focus on instead. Ulquiorra had after time spent in the human world taken to Ichigo, he could almost call him friend, the only one he had.

As for the reason he chose surrounding himself with trash was Orihime Inoue, the woman that had given him a heart. They had a stormy romance during high school and Ulquiorra had tried to make her happy. But that had not been enough for her and had ended it after their graduation. She moved away and started a relationship with that pencil human.

Walking up the familiar staircase he wondered what he was going to do now. Should he go to soul society? He raised his hand and knocked on the door.

….oooooooo000000000oooooooo…'

Ichigo opened the door and walked inside. Already in the doorway he knew something was wrong. The fridge door was open, the TV was on and the baggage in the hall was not his. His lips twitched as his heart began to sing.

"Grimmjow, you're back!" He couldn't get the shoes off fast enough and lunged at the sofa where the blue haired man was now sitting. His feet were on the table and the leftovers of food were thrown on the floor.

"Hey Bitch." He made Ichigo straddle his waist and groped his rear. "I've missed you."

"How long are you staying?" Ichigo hoped he didn't sound needy.

"Shut up and get undressed." Grimmjow shoved Ichigo off him and stood up. "I want to fuck you really hard and good, understood?"

Ichigo nodded and pulled off his shirt. Grimmjow looked at him for a second before he grabbed his upper arm and pulled him to the bedroom. He pushed him into the bed, face first, and pulled off both jeans and underwear in one pull. Ichigo hiss at the harsh treatment but he reached into the drawer on the side of the bed and pulled out a bottle of lube. Grimmjow was now shirtless and his jeans were unbuttoned. He grabbed the lube and slicked up his right hand fingers. Ichigo still on his stomach spread his legs. Grimmjow slid two fingers down his crack and pushed two fingers into is opening. Ichigo gasped at the slight pain, he hadn't even fingered himself since they done it the last time.

"Fuck, Ichi! You're so tight." Grimmjow groaned over him and leant down and bit his earlobe. He pushed a third finger in and rotated them around. Relaxing to the feeling Ichigo moaned when Grimmjow pushed on his prostate. Grimmjow pulled out and reached for the lube again. Focusing on the now Ichigo croaked out:

"Condom! Use a condom." Grimmjow growled and grabbed the orange hair in the painful way with his left.

"Fuck Bitch! Don't you fucking trust me?" Grimmjow pushed Ichigo's head down in the bed and held it there. Ichigo tried to protest and get out of the hold. Grimmjow used his right to lift Ichigo's hips up and thrust inside. Ichigo screamed as he was stretched unwillingly and Grimmjow didn't stop for him to adjust. "You think just because I fuck other people I'm dirty? That's what you fucking think, huh?" Grimmjow roared in his ear and had now both hands on Ichigo's hips, fingernails almost breaking skin.

"I'm sorry, Grimm! So sorry! I didn't mean it that way." It was painful and Ichigo couldn't stop the tears. "I just didn't want to clean out your cum. Please, I don't think you're dirty." Ichigo was sobbing now. Grimmjow slowed down and began stoking Ichigo's back.

"Really?" He has now hitting Ichigo's prostate and Ichigo felt pleasure soaring through his body. He moaned and could only nod as an answer.

"Oh, Ichi, you're opening up for me now. Feel good?" Grimmjow's hand found itself between Ichigo's legs and stoked his erection. Ichigo arched his back and whimpered. Grimmjow chuckled and began to thrust harder. He became harsher, hand tugging not stoking Ichigo's length. When Ichigo couldn't decide if it was pain or pleasure he was feeling, Grimmjow pushed his thumb's nail into his slit and Ichigo came hard. His anus contracted and Grimmjow pushed in one last time before he came too. He slumped over Ichigo and Ichigo gasped Grimmjow's now soft member jarred his abused hole. He made a face when Grimmjow pulled out and rolled off him, cum slipping out of him. Grimmjow watched and then stroked his entrance.

"I like it when it overflows, it makes it seem like I claimed you." Ichigo ignored Grimmjow's fingers feeling him up and pulled the cover over them. He didn't care if he lied in his own seed; he just wanted to be close to Grimmjow. But he couldn't hold him, Grimmjow didn't like that and Grimmjow never held him either. As he fell asleep he wondered how long Grimmjow was going to stay.

…ooooo0000000oooooo…..

The sun hit his eyes and he blinked. He rose to an empty apartment. Feeling that the other side of the bed was cold he figured that Grimmjow must have left a long time ago. Limping over to the bathroom he looked into the kitchen. As he expected every drawer and cabinet was open. He sighed and stepped into the shower. Sometimes he wondered if the cleanup was even worth the small time he could spend with him. It wasn't healthy. He scrubbed his body and stuck a finger into himself to make the rest of the sperm come out. He lied to Grimmjow when he said why he didn't want him to cum inside him. The reason was that Grimmjow slept around a lot and he didn't want to catch anything. Even when they were going out he had cheated on him. Gender didn't matter and when Ichigo found out and confronted him he had been nonchalant about it. Grimmjow told him that he was a prude and they broke up. Ichigo tried dating other men but no one made him feel like Grimmjow had and when the ex-espada came knocking he let him back into his life. Of course it was always on Grimmjow's terms, he came when he wanted, they had sex when he wanted and when he left he took Ichigo's rent money with him.

He stepped out of the shower and dried himself off with a towel. Once he hadn't kept the rent in cash and Grimmjow ransacked the entire apartment and threw a lamp through the window. After that he dutifully kept enough money in the same place in the kitchen so if Grimmjow came over he didn't have to get new furniture. This means that he had to ask his father for rent, again. Ichigo tried to save up money to give to Grimmjow, but the living cost was high and as a student there was only so many hours during the day he could work. It was painful when he walked back into the bedroom and when he got dressed the tears started to drip. Wiping them of on his sleeve he walked into the kitchen and closed the cabinets. Luckily Grimmjow had closed the fridge door but looking inside he hadn't left anything eatable… He had even eaten the ketchup. Suddenly he was really tired. The kitchen and bedroom were a mess and the living room wasn't that much better. Sinking into the sofa he began to cry for real. He hiccupped and sobbed into a pillow. This couldn't go on. It was killing him, the wonderful feeling when Grimmjow came and the empty sorrow when he left. The rough sex and the stealing was only a small part of their toxic relationship. He hugged his legs to his chest. It was better to be alone than feeling like this.

And alone he was, his friends had left and moved on, soul society didn't contact him anymore like they had in the beginning. He used dropped by Urahara's shop once in a while but now he couldn't really think of a reason to go. He met with his family every week, Goat Face was still a moron but Karin and Yuzu were angels. They had their own lives though, in their last year in high school. Ichigo hadn't moved on like the rest of the gang. He stayed in Karakura, entered the local university, he only managed to move to his own apartment to make it more convenient for when Grimmjow came over. Goat Face happily let him move out and never said anything every time Ichigo asked for money. Instead he got this look in his eyes, like he knew what was really going on. But he never asked and Ichigo never told.

Picking himself off the sofa he put on his jacket and left. He took the bus to his family's house; the pain made it hard to walk, and opened the door with his own key. It was quiet, no surprise attacks and no one in the kitchen. Seeing the large couch he sank into it, pulling a blanket over himself and went to sleep.

….ooooooo000000000oooooo…..

The smell of scrambled eggs and rice awoke him and he smiled. He sat up and looked over at the kitchen. His goat face stood in Yuzu's apron by the stove like it was normal. Ichigo wasn't even aware his father knew how to cook.

"Are you going to stare or come over here and eat?" His father looked over at him. Ichigo nodded and walked over, now only with a slight limp. But Isshin noticed it. Putting a plate on the table for Ichigo he made his own and sat down. They ate in silence for almost the first time ever. When they were done Isshin snatched the plate from his boy and put it in the sink. Taking off the pink apron he looked over at his now grown son.

"Want to talk about it?" Ichigo chose to feign ignorance.

"The food?" Isshin was serious though.

"About Grimmjow, what he does to you." Ichigo looked down on his socks. They didn't match.

"No." Isshin lifted his head up with two fingers under his chin.

"So you are going to let him abuse you, cheat and steal from you until he decides he had enough?" He grabbed Ichigo's shoulders. "It's not healthy and the only one of you that suffers is you." Ichigo couldn't meet his father's eyes.

"I just- I don't want to be alone." His father shuddered, first Ichigo though he was laughing but then Isshin pulled him into a hug and he felt tears touch his hair.

"Oh, Ichigo. You are not alone, never alone. You have me, your sisters and your friends. They will be there if you call and you are always welcome to come home." Isshin looked at him again and brushed away some tears Ichigo didn't even know he had. "I have been waiting for you to make a stand, to tell me or your friends or even Kisuke. But you never did and I saw you growing more distant for every day. I don't want to lose you. Let me help you"

Ichigo looked on his socks again. It wasn't only him suffering, and their happiness is more important than whatever feeling Ichigo might have. Ichigo nodded and was given a bone breaking hug.

"Are you going to come home?"

"No, but tomorrow I'm changing my locks." Isshin smiled at him and already Ichigo felt accomplished.

"But you're going to stay the night at least?" Ichigo shook his head.

"I want to clean up, but I'm raiding the fridge."

…oooooooooooo000000000oooooooo….

Walking home, already feeling better since goat face pressured him into taking painkillers. He carried a bag filled with food, most of it leftovers that Yuzu had made. He was feeling better than he had for a long time. Taking control over his life again. He walked up the stairs and saw that someone was sitting in front of his door. It was Ulquiorra! The other must have heard him because he looked up. The human gigai Kisuke made for him changed his appearance. He wasn't white anymore, he was pale though and his green markings were gone. What was most remarkable was that he had grown over the years. He was now both taller and heavier than Ichigo. Urahara explained it as some teenagers have their growth spurt later than others. But his hair was still black and the eyes a poisonous green color, though with normal round pupils.

"Ichigo… I-"

"So you were at the wedding. I thought you weren't going."

"I had to see, to make sure. She looked happy." Ichigo nodded and held out his hand. Ulquiorra took it and Ichigo pulled him up. "Come in, I'll make you some tea."

_Maybe he wasn't that alone…_

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This was going to be a one-shot but I think I will continue it anyhoot.

Salute!


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